Plan? What plan? :)

I'm back!!!  I took a break from everything for about 6 weeks..... a well needed emotional and shot free break.  During that time, I still did some research, of course, and talked with Dr. Bedient and her awesome staff periodically. 

So, one of the plans that we discussed was if I was going forward with trying to grow my own eggs again, we would try something a little different.  It would essentially mean I would "prime" my ovaries (which reminds me of priming my pool filter thing when it wouldn't work lol) for a month.  That means taking estrogen for a month and thennnnn begin the cycle protocol but start out at a higher dosage of at least one, if not all, of the drugs.  If I thought I was tired before, I think that would be a doozy.  I did ask her if I could change the timing I took the meds though.  You see, a lot of women, even some of my friends who were on a variation of the meds, didn't seem to remember feeling like a steel rhinoceros ran over them an hour or so after they took them.  What we figured out is that MOST of the time, people take them and then go. to. bed. They don't work in entertainment on the show shift and then work for 3 more hours after they take them.  Which was a little surprising, because Vegas.  But, then again, holidays are observed here when I have to work, so that's that.

Anyhoo, I asked if switching the window from 7-9pm (I was taking the meds at 8:45 pm) to 10-midnight would be ok.  Then I could take them, and when they hit, I would already be home.  She said yes, that as long as it was at the same time every night that should be fine.  So this was option 1 to consider: one month of estrogen plus a higher dose of meds and HOPE for a different outcome.  

I know myself very well, and I knew that if this didn't work this round I was going to be SO *insert every single emotion on the planet*.  Which is somewhat silly, because there's not an actual THING to be mad at except my ovaries (?) which is ridiculous. I would have to buy more meds too, which was something to consider. 

The second option was to adopt eggs and have the clinic combine them with the sperm donor I have on ice.  This has a couple of options within itself. 

One was to adopt eggs through an egg bank.  It works like a sperm bank except you can see GROWN UP ADULT pictures of the women.  And it is about 17x more expensive.  For example, the ART vial of sperm I purchased was $450.  The cheapest "package" from a bank was about $13k...just for the eggs. I wanna go back to the picture thing.  WHY in the world can we see the adult versions of the women, but not the men!!!!!???  Has this industry not caught up with our times?  What I mean is that, now homosexual men can adopt eggs and begin a family and potentially sue said egg donor that they use and then see in the grocery store, whereas before that wasn't possible, but a sperm donor could be seen and sued for child support, so they only have kid pictures of them?  If someone could explain this to me, I would be very appreciative. 

I digress.  The second option for the egg adoption is to see if the fertility clinic you are using has "in house" eggs or embryos which can purchased at a much lower rate than the bank.  You have usually already paid a certain amount to the clinic as you were planning on growing your own eggs, so you pay the difference.  This, however, just depends on if there any available.  

The third option is adoption.  I am not opposed to adoption at all.  There are a lot of different adoption avenues to look through, and at this point I don't feel like it is the choice for me. 

What does this all mean? I have decided to adopt some in house eggs that will then be joined with Markus the sperm (romantic, right?) and they will be frozen.  I will then plan the transfer for next summer so that when it takes, I will be pregnant over the winter.  If you know me, this is important because I HATE being hot. HATE.  So, while we're planning all this over here, may as well shoot for NOT being hot. Lets hope THIS plan goes better than the last.  It is also a more financially viable option because I have already paid for the IVF and I will just pay the difference for the eggs which is exponentially less than the other routes.  In this option, I will be able to carry my child, which is something that is very special and it allows me to wear overalls for the first time since I was 5.  A Win/Win.  

Since there will be some time between now and then, I will still update the blog and let you know how this crazy adventure goes. 

Also, a clarification for my life, romantically speaking, that may apply for other single women in my position:  My decision about creating a family is mine.  If I want to date someone or fall for someone, they are not automatically put into the "Gee, I hope he wants to be the father of my children."  They will be apart of the decision of whether or not THEY become apart of MY family, just as if I already had children, and had to decide.  I have always been an independent woman, and having a man around just because is ridiculous.  Would I like someone to be there? To love me and my family? Of course.  Would I like someone to get up in the middle of the night to help me when I feel like I'm going to die from sleep deprivation? OF COURSE.  But it is not a requirement for my happiness.  For whatever reason,  that man has not come along.  He's pushing on a pull door somewhere or up in a tree, stuck, and until he figures it out and can see that I am worth all the things, I will continue to navigate my awesome life single.  

Also, to clarify- some people are under the impression that I can just have a fling or one night stand and get pregnant if that is what my goal is.  This literally makes me laugh out loud.  For one, with my ovaries and egg production essentially NOT working, this wouldn't work.  But, being down for contracting STD's and possibly becoming pregnant with a crazy person's child, or someone who has no ambition, is a cheater (welcome Las Vegas tourists), has commitment issues, is bipolar, doesn't know how to do laundry, or even just call me back, sounds like an amazing time!!!!  Seriously.  This is NOT an option, and as a PSA, I kindly ask you to refrain from suggesting this.  

I'm feeling a little feisty today, which is good- I'm gonna need alllll the feist going forward.  I'll keep y'all updated with all the goings on of how this proceeds.  In the meantime, I have to figure out what to do with $1,OOO worth of meds sitting in my fridge for the egg stimulation process that I no longer need. oy!  Message me if you are interested. 

Have a safe and lovely Wednesday everyone!!!!!

xx

-M